Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Women's Championship Whisker-Plucking

There is nothing more satisfying to me than a successful session of whisker-plucking. I have this inane fascination with things that grow on me. Whiskers qualify. As I pluck, I ponder the larger questions of life, For instance, why whiskers? On women, I mean. What is the evolutionary reason behind female moustache and chin hairs? Thoughts like this keep me up at night, plucking. For Instance: I have yet to discover the answer to : WHY DO MEN HAVE NIPPLES?

Oh, I get armpit and pubic hairs, they serve a specific purpose. I know this, as I have researched. Pit & Pube hairs collect and hold the personal scents/smells/chemicals that attract the opposite sex. Once upon a time, they were a natural thing and not something to be concerned about. This was prior to shaving, and makeup, bra's, and high heels. Now, most men don't view a woman with pit hairs spewing from their tank top as a sexy thing. Unfortunate, don't you think?

Nevertheless, I have been unable to discover the reasons behind female facial hairs. Everyday, more have sprouted. I have tried the old basic standby's, waxing (ouch, and It doesn't last longer than plucking) and shaving (not as fun as plucking, stubble is gross, and it creates a plethora of additional whiskers). But the sport of plucking just satisfies some strange compulsion deep within my soul. Man, I just LOVE to get a big, black, stiff, long chin hair outta my face. Scarfing an entire box of twinkies under 15 minutes can't even hold a candle to de-whiskering, in my book.

Just yesterday, I was pinching and squeezing this gnarly spot next to my mouth, I had assumed it to be an underground zit. You know the ones, they need some developmental help in rising to the surface to shine. But then, in my magic makeup mirror (equipped with (3) different lighting effects for your plucking pleasure) I noticed a small hair, barely there. I promptly snatched my "teeny tiny tweezers" for the job (not the large angle-bladed everyday tweezers) and made contact. Gently and slowly, I pulled, coaxing the hair out to momma. And I pulled, and more kept a coming, and pulled and pulled, and OMIGAWD, this was the longest hair I have EVER extracted from my face. Evidently, It had started to grow up, then back down and around. A classic example of an "in-grown" hair. I was FASCINATED.

I have added this fine specimen to the collection I have proudly displayed on my mirror topped vanity tray. Hair's of merit earn a special place, taped to a piece of white cardboard shoe insert. There's the "first white chin hair", the "stubborn,deep rooted took me 10 mins to get out hair" and the unusual "large circumference extra thick and black hair" and my personal favorite, the "double hair that sprouted from one root ball". I do feel that this new acquisition, which I have entitled "the longest chin hair in history" will become my most coveted possession.

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