Wednesday, October 20, 2004

I'M A MOMMY

Well, I'm sure you all need to know that congratulations are in order. I have a new puppy! Awww! Her name is Zeta (in honor of the aliens from Zeta Reticuli, go see www.zetatalk.com) and she is cute! Of course, all puppies are cute. Well, wait. My brother has an American bulldog, and she is butt ugly. They should have named her Wart or Toad. But, personality goes a long way, and she has a great one. Zeta is a Great Dane. Cause I like big dumb dogs. She just had her second vet check up, and she weighs in at a trim and fit 60 lbs. Good for 4 months old, huh?

BUT, she is a total punk. What a pain in the ass. What was I thinking?!! Shit. Chewed up shoes, pissed up carpet, exaggerated hyperactivity. Barking at leaves. She tried to murder poor Aero, grabbed him by the collar and drug his bony ass all over the yard, choked the crap out of him. And the howling and yipping! Gawd! I thought dogs are supposed to like their kennels!

Then again, it's better than a kid all around. I mean, hey, no shitty diapers to change 10 times a day, 7 days a week, for like what, 4 years or sumthing? Eeewww. And no feeding around the clock either! If I forget to feed the dog sometimes, it's not like she's gonna tell anyone, right? And you can't lock up your kid in the closet when they piss you off, or throw them out on the porch in the middle of the night for making too much noise, can ya? Well, I'm sure it would be frowned on. And kids bruise! You can't give them any swift kicks in the ribs to help relieve your aggravations when you come home from a hard days work. So, dogs are better, all around. Good choice for me.

(Okay, relax. You know I'm kidding. Dumb Asshole. I wuv my wittle baby giwrl. I feed her on time 3 times a day, She gets lots of wuvving and has tons of fun. And although, occasionally, she HAS gotten a smack on the ass for particular indiscretions-(You know how I feel about that, see other postings) She is not abused. She has a great home and great parents. She is spoiled. She is also courageous and brave and will bite you if you say something shitty about me. Remember that.)

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